Finding a Third Way through

In a recent article I wrote about the difference between the Fixed and Growth Mindset and the harm the Fixed Mindset does to ourselves and others. We are all living with the consequences of entrenched rigid thinking, which is rooted in a self-serving, survival instinct: ‘kill or be killed with defeat/failure not an option.’

 ‘Statements like: ‘I was born that way; I’m an all or nothing person; It’s in my genes; It runs in the family so what can you do?’ reveal what is called a ‘Fixed Mindset’ the belief that intelligence, talents and other abilities are innate and, crucially, we cannot change and evolve. This mindset thinks in binary terms: either/or and does not understand paradox. It cannot tolerate ‘I am both’, e.g. ‘I can be simultaneously angry with and also love you’ or finding a ‘third way’ to a solution that isn’t about a grudging compromise but about discovering an innovative way forwards that works for all concerned.’ Five years on: are you who you want to be?

This image comes from ‘For All Mankind’, a brilliant TV series on Apple TV+. It depicts an alternative timeline exploring the premise that the Soviets landed on the moon before the USA in 1969. This has forced the U.S. to question and think differently, including training astronauts of diverse backgrounds much sooner. It has also changed some key political and societal events, one of the most joyous being that John Lennon lives to an old age and is deeply involved in peace activism, including a global Concert for Peace.

In the episode, ‘The Grey’, U.S astronaut, Ed Baldwin, reaches a standoff with a member of his team. They are orbiting the moon, and their mission is to protect Sea Dragon, a cargo rocket designed to transport supplies and equipment to the Moon, from the Soviet space shuttle, Buran, which has been ordered to attack the Sea Dragon. NASA Control Room, to the horror of his co-pilots, orders Ed to blow up Buran which would result in nuclear Armageddon on Earth: all the ground missiles are poised in readiness.

Sal, one of the co-pilots, pulls a gun on Ed and says: ‘Step away from the console, Ed. We will start a war that kills millions.’ Ed pulls his gun, and they are in stand-off, both convinced they are in the right and both willing to die for it.

And then, and then…the third pilot, Piscotty, says:

‘Enough! This is insane. You’re both so goddamn sure you’re right, and maybe you are. We can’t let them shoot down the Sea Dragon, but we can’t let them shoot down Buran either. Maybe it’s not some black and white choice. Right? Maybe there’s some other way.’

And Ed pauses, enters what I call the ‘space between’ and finds an ingenious third way.

What do I mean by ‘finding a third way? First, it is not a grudging compromise between two polarities which satisfies no-one, a 50:50 half measure. It is taking the best elements of each and creating a third, and the crucial first step is letting go of our ego and fixed mindset and accepting that we need to create a very different new vision. We won’t immediately know what it will look like. In fact, if we do, then it’s not a true third way, so the next crucial step is letting go of our need to control everything. And then, without knowing the outcome, we take a leap of faith. We intuitively know that the first two paths are defunct and that we need to create something very new and different, and we learn to trust that the third way will come only when we have made the leap. In fact, holding on tightly to our old way is a guarantee we will stay stuck there. It’s the letting go that brings in the new …and often unexpected …trajectory.

So how do we move into the right mindset to find a third way? How do we pull back from that knee-jerk reactive response? First, we embrace the wisdom of not reacting, understand the potential of the pregnant pause, and prime ourselves to pounce only when the time is ripe. In other words, we must enter the ‘space between.’ What helps me when I’m at this point is saying to myself: ‘I know there’s a third way. Just because I haven’t seen it yet, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It will come and I’ll know what to do - how to act - when that moment comes.’

This life-embracing statement from Victor Frankl captures the concept of ‘the space between’: ‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In the space is our power to choose. In our response lies our growth and freedom.’ 

In one of my favourite films, The Matrix, Neo says: ‘What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?’ Morpheus responds: ‘No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.’

We cannot stop the bullets from firing, but we can create a pause in how we choose to react. This is what we can control. We can focus on what is going to bring us inner strength and equilibrium in that ‘space between’, i.e. what will stabilise us. And from this springboard we can stretch that pause and think… helicopter vision/big picture thinking… to consider which is the best way forwards. It is these two qualities of inner stability and the ability to think creatively out of a seeming impasse, that inspires great trust and loyalty and is the true meaning of freedom and power.

This is the skill of ‘detached involvement’, the ability to be fully experiencing the moment and simultaneously connecting to our helicopter vision to make sense of what’s happening, so we can make the best decisions moving forwards.

And to do all this, we need to focus on our self-care and be at ease with our inner stillness. We can only make great decisions when we unhook from the ‘noise’ and listen to our inner voice, our intuitive intelligence.

Four years into my career, I was being interviewed for a new job and the interviewer said rather disapprovingly: ‘You’ve had a very circuitous career so far!’ It was true. I had taught Business English to adults in Italy, then returned to the UK to teach English in two High Schools, including an inner-city school, trying to teach Shakespeare to deprived adolescents who did not have their basic needs of food and safe shelter met. I was restlessly searching for work…a life… that would bring me meaning and purpose and was not finding it where I thought I ‘should’ find it.

And then I had a severe panic attack. I was 28 and thought I was having a heart attack. I felt pure terror and utterly helpless: my tightly attached identity was that I was a fixer and a healer and here I was, trapped and unable to fix or heal myself. I was on my knees in despair, stuck in a fixed, linear mindset and hitting my head against the same brick wall. I couldn’t visualise a way through. My whole being was in panic.

It was the ‘brick’ of that panic attack that saved me. Yes, it felled me to my knees, to my surrender, but it was this act that brought me hope. It forced me to think differently, to let go of my ego, my outworn behaviours, change my mindset and make a fundamental psychological gearshift.

Joining the dots backwards, my life has turned out to be a very rich and circuitous path with many unexpected trajectories and adventures. (That interviewer was right!) But I now know it isn’t random, that there is always synchronicity at play, and I now trust when it’s time to let go and take the leap into the next chapter.

And part of this new chapter I am in, is working with Founder companies that are now in their scale-up stage as they prepare to go big. They have grown very fast, with great vision, values and courage. But with this rapid expansion and great success comes a troubling question: how to repeat and expand success? There are leadership skills, inspiring loyal followership, that must be learned/developed, and there are dynamics between the leaders, original and new, that now need to be attended to as they prepare for this very exciting next chapter.

I am loving this new work. I love the energy and pace of these people of vision. At the heart of everything is their passion to learn and grow and to become the best version of themselves, not only as leaders but as human beings. This is why ultimately, beyond the welcome material rewards, they are willing to push through their own fears and inflexibility to find an infinitely richer and more rewarding third way. This is the legacy they really want to leave.  

  Hannah Elizabeth Greenwood